Wasted Opportunity
by gleelatte
Summary: Everything is too much. 'Lips. Crushing him. The lightning had crashed.' Based off of One Song Glory from RENT. Drabble. Suicide/depression trigger warnings, slight eating disorder references. Rated M for suicide.


Beginnings are painful, but promising.

Kurt had endured an insane amount of heartbreak. Aloneness plagued his life as he strutted down the hallways. Bullies and homophobia destroyed his present, but he strutted with hope for the future.

But then the worst of the bullying happened, and his future went to hell.

It started with shoves, bruises, insults. Bruises ended up everywhere, and insults ended up ruining his confidence.

He'd definitely been insulted before, and it didn't affect him much. He knew he'd have a far better future than those Neanderthals. He'd escape this suffocating place.

But this was too much for anyone to handle, even him. Everything had escalated and he just snapped. He didn't have much appetite, and he didn't have much energy. He felt less like 'I'm The Greatest Star' and more...well, hopeless.

He never believed what they yelled at him above the school chaos. But when the word faggot is burned into your mind, the ignorance begins to wear you out.

It begins to tear your self-confidence.

...

Everything was decaying. His designer clothing hung off of him, he looked even paler.

He still got lost in show tunes, but when the music faded, he lost everything.

You won't become a star. You're a useless faggot. That was horrible. Your voice is too high for a man. It sounds grossly unnatural.

Even though he was brilliant, he just never saw it anymore. His head was hung low, hanging there. His posture used to be a kind of art.

But then Blaine happened, Blaine. Blaine made him realise what he'd forgotten. The ignorance was still wearing him out, but Blaine made him bright and cheerful again. Like before.

Sassy fashion remarks. The special strut. The glory. It was back.

Hope.

...

Courage. A picture of Blaine with the word 'courage' underneath. He felt powerful. Glorious. He was fabulous Kurt Hummel. He was back.

A colour to describe it?

Neon. Neon anything. It was a fashion no-no, which he despised, but it was how he felt.

He felt nervous, but powerful, electric. He could stand up to Karofsky.

Everything poured out. It was magical. Exuberant. Buzz. Boiling hatred. Lightning.

Lips.  
Crushing him.  
The lightning had crashed.

Tears. Lost.

"If you tell anyone about this, I will kill you."

Dashing to the bathroom.

A mark on his leg.

Will he survive this?

Everything has shaken him, for eternity now.

It had worn him out and wrecked him.

Even more.  
His clothes were even baggier.

RENT blared in his room.

'Time flies, time dies.'

Just like that burst of courage died. Just like everything dies. Just like everything dies. Maybe being a star wouldn't even be worth it.

Everything dies. Shaken. More than shaken. He was dying on the inside, no more fireworks in his heart when he saw the perfect outfit, no more fireworks when he sang Defying Gravity.

No more fireworks.

No more life.

Except when he saw Blaine.

But was that enough to keep him going?

He was so scared to die, so scared of the death threat, yet he was considering suicide.

Conflicting.

Confusing.

Morbid.

Sharp pain.

His life had faded into a graveyard of wasted opportunity, but he was so broken that his perfect future suddenly seemed impossible, all of those dreams torn.

Wasted opportunity.  
A kid made up of fear and wasted opportunity.

He could've been a star, but his heart became hollow, his face became hollow, and he couldn't take the hatred anymore.

He knew there was a light, a future, but it was blurry.

It used to be so damn clear.

...

Dear Blaine:  
You saved me. For a while.  
But everything dies, and I need to go.  
I was strong, but this hatred had made me crumble like a statue, no longer grand, no longer even something that matters. Everything seems pointless now. I'm not who I was before.

Please understand.

You made me so happy while I was here. I was me again. But this time, nobody can save me, and I sure as hell can't save myself.

The pain and hatred has weighed out the specks of joy in life.

Please understand.

I love you.

My time is up.

Time flies, time dies.

I loved my time with you.

Goodbye,  
Kurt

Endings are hopeless, filled with shadows and darkness.

Everything must end.


End file.
